Love Actually.....

no longer typing....this is now a VBLOG

Guess what I have done in a while

So its been a minute since I have blog...but I do want to keep up with this blog for once in my life. So alot has been going on in my life. My little sister got arrested on her bday for an old warrant. A week later while delivering chinese food my car starts to smoke and once I get out the car the entire car catches on fire. And of-course my id, my bank card,
and a 15 dollar gift card (dammit) to Panera Bread blah blah blah...with other books...are crisppppppyyy but at least I'm alive. however now I have to working only one job for the first time in years oh and Im now a full time grad student instead of doing it part time...I'm going to have to take a pause for a second....I just looked at my apt and realized that it need to be cleaned....ASAP cant bring in the new year with last year's trash lol....to be continued...

Is this peace

So I have really been tripping this week, but in a good way. I was driving around doing my side job delivering Chinese (yes a African American female works for Chinese take out spot I know its crazy but it works). So I was just driving no music no nothing and I realized that I was not thinking about anything. It was just quiet in my head, now life is far from perfect but I'm just fine. My mind is usually always running and for there to be no noise in my head I cant remember that ever happening.

I went to MJQ's last night which is a club anyone that knows me knows I don't like to dance, and i don't like clubs. I was having a full convo about how I don't like dancing prior to going out. But when I got there and the music was going, I didn't care anymore I just wanted to dance. It was so freeing to just be able to enjoy myself without feeling like I'm being judged by other people. And you know whats crazy is that I was the one that was judging myself the most. Once I stopped judging myself and just being free and cool with myself fails and all. A great elder always reminds me that my fails are not who I am as a person, not the totality of me, there are tons of things that I do well. I always have had an optimistic outward appearance and now I'm feeling optimistic on the inside as well.

All in all I'm just thankful that I'm finally get comfortable in my skin and owning the woman that I've became.

Yes I do believe that this is PEACE for me

Is this what peace feels like?

To be continued......

Are you willing to sacrifice your life?

So I've been having a good day even had a salad and a little fruit when I really really wanted a cookie or 3. I'm just taking it one step at a time and seeing where everything will lead me. I've been having this random thought about what are my truths in this moment. I say this moment because life is constantly changing so what is true in this moment may not be true in the next. Last year I would not have been able to accept that. I needed to know what the "truth" was with everything especially with religion. At this moment I dont believe that there is a universal truth. With religion how you connect with God is the best way for you to do it. And its important that we found out the best ways to nurture that connections.

So Ive had an interesting day at work, feeling like Ive got somethings accomplished. I have my second major project on Saturday and I'm really excited about it. I hope that everyone has fun the elders and the youth. This job has really been what I needed. Its helping me with my money management, my professional skills, and just numerous of other things I'm so grateful for this opportunity.

The title of this blog comes from a track I guess Kanye sampled for monster. I just think about what I would sacrifice my life for. The lesson on Friday was about this very thing. We are charged to someone's soul that's so wonderful. I cant wait to see I'm charged too and who's charged to me...I really do like inspiring people.

She who fights for a Standard: New Blog....but

She who fights for a Standard: New Blog....but: "So here we go again....I'm starting another blog and I'm not sure why. Well I do know why...I was searching for by an African American fema..."